By: John Doe
Tekken with tits. Enough said. Okay I'll go into more detail. Tekken with BIG tits. What an odd idea. Obviously no girls in this game have ever heard of a bra. Sheesh.
This game was made solely on the bouncing breast factor. And that is just sad. Confused? I'll explain. Dead or Alive features three female characters all endowed as most videogame women are; large breasted. However, these breasts move. Up and down. And up and down. Oh sure you can turn the bouncing breast animation on or off, but let's face it: If you bought this game you bought it for THAT REASON ALONE, otherwise you'd have waited two weeks to get Tekken 3, which doesn't feature bouncing boobs.
What a marketing ploy. Make a game like Tekken, but pander to the lowest common denominator because you know Tekken 3 is gonna sell BIGTIME! Shame on Tecmo. I hope the women out there are REALLY offended. I'm offended for them.
As far as I'm concerned Dead or Alive is the videogame counterpart to having a blowup doll. Let's face it, if you can't get a girlfriend and you're too young to rent an adult movie, your only option is to control this onscreen character to jump around so you can see her breasts shake. Parents around the world are going to FREAK! The bounce heard around the world. Mark my words.
This game could have been taken seriously. It plays well. Mix in Tekken with Virtua Fighter with some Street Fighter II D-Pad moves and you get Dead Or Alive. The animation is great. I'm not refering to the breasts BTW. In fact the breast animation isn't that realistic, it's too bouncy. These women would have knocked themselves unconscious with their own breasts doing backflips like that.
Sorry but I can't recommend this game. Wait for Tekken 3, which also features scantily clad women with big ones. I feel like such a hypocrite, I mean we all know that Tekken 3 isn't really that much different, right? I guess, It's shame on everybody.
Three parting thoughts: Does the title "Dead or Alive" refer to the on/off animation of the breasts? If the boobs bounce are they alive?
Isn't it ironic (Alanis Morrisette voice) that the real boobs are the ones bouncing home with this game in their hot little hands? Suckers. (No pun intended.)
If I'm so against the way this game portrays women as objects, why did I refer to female breasts in such a derogatory fashion as "tits, boobs and big ones" in this article? Why, I'm just pandering to the lowest common denominator.